Find Your Kindness

There is this song by this really great worship band from Ireland called The Rend Collective Experiment called Find Your Kindness. I was listening to it about a month ago and it really hit me.

When did democracy
Become a paper chasing bureaucracy
All of our hands got tied and we don't know how to be kind
Put a face to a name a real person to the numbers game
I don't wanna hesitate anymore


I understand how we can all get really passionate about this coming election. We all have opinions on how and what ways are the best ways of doing things. I know I certainlly feel strongly about my beliefs. But the thing I have been noticing is we have allowed those beliefs to trump kindness towards one another. I wonder what things would look like if we spent as much energy on being kind towards one another as we do trying to pursuade one another that we are right.
There is this scripture that I have been saying over and over during this election season to myself.
Philipians 3:20-21
But there’s far more to life for us. We’re citizens of high heaven! We’re waiting the arrival of the Savior, the Master, Jesus Christ, who will transform our earthy bodies into glorious bodies like his own. He’ll make us beautiful and whole with the same powerful skill by which he is putting everything as it should be, under and around him.


We may have many rulers on this earth, some we like, some we don't but if you call yourself a follower a Christ, our citizenship is in heaven first, and we all follow the same king.


So tomorrow and the next day and the day after that let us be reminded that we are to be light in the darkness, and lets spread some kindness to one another.

Engaging Love

I had this idea all day for a blog post and well it's going to have to wait for another day because the Lord had another idea for me to write about and I am choosing to be obiedient. A few weeks ago the Lord brought to mind Romans 8 and I printed it and have had it on my desk at work since. Every few days I read it and it has been good. Today I was reminded of one my favorite scriptures. Romans 8:38 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Today what stuck out to me was the "neither the present nor the future..will be able to seperate us from the love of the Lord." I think we (this includes myself) can get caught up in past mistakes, or the choices we will make in the future of our lives. So many what if's keep us from fully expeirencing God's love. What if we laid those past mistakes and future decisions down and came to God saying "Lord this is who I am now, mistakes and flaws and all and I want to know you and experience your love now." I think at the moment we open a door that is ourselves and all allow the spirit of the Lord to enter. The last few days the Lord has been speaking to me and telling me that my fears and insecurities can not keep me from his love. And so often pain has seemed to keep me from engaging in his love. But I am not allowing that to block the joy he brings to me today. I hope this speaks to you and that you can lay down whatever it is that is standing in the way of you fully engaging and experiencing God's GREAT love for you!

The Mute Prayer

The last few weeks I have spiritually and emoitonally been in an odd place. I feel like something is as the cusp of happening. That can be good and bad. I mean I have no idea what is on the horizon. And I have learned to not set too high of expecations one way or the other. I am not saying that's a good thing, having no or very low expectations, but it happens. I think after a while of waiting or thinking the next thing is the answer and it's not, we limit our expectations as not to be too let down. So being in this state of mind, I have had no idea what to pray for, or about. But that's okay. I like the scripture Romans 8:26-27 26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. It's so refreshing to know that we don't have to always know what to say or what to ask for. It's also nice to know that my low expectations do not limit God. So I have been just asking the Spirit of the Lord to move in me and to make me ready. And then I wait and listen.

This Journey

Do you ever have days where the kind words of others just make things worse? For instance I keep hearing "It's not about the destination, but about the journey" and I get that we can get caught up on the future and miss the present, but we can also get so tied down in the present that we forget that this moment isn't forever and there is a destination ahead. Life can get really hard sometimes, and this "journey" we are on can feel really long, and never ending, but their is a destination. It helps if you know the destination, it gives you something to look forward too, something to strive after. But the truth is we don't always get to know the destination. It's like walking in the pitch black darkness with no flashlight. This weekend I was having a really bad headache and was getting really angry with my body and myself and just my circumstance. Today I was reminded of God leading the Israelites out of Egypt. The Israelites weren't really sure of the destination either, and the journey was getting very long, 40 years! Yikes! And so they began to get angry at God, and began to lose trust in him. I totally get the Isrealites. 40 years is a long time to be hanging out in the desert folks! I can't imagine having this headache for 40 years. But God was there and he went before them everyday seeking the next place to lay their heads at night and rest. Deuteronomy1:32 In spite of this, you did not trust in the Lord your God, 33 who went ahead of you on your journey, in fire by night and in a cloud by day, to search out places for you to camp and to show you the way you should go. So I am reminded that I am not in this alone, and neither are you. And that I am not searching in the dark. God is constantly ahead of me preparing the way, and that if I trust in him he will show me the way I should go. It's then up to me, to actually obey or not to obey. He never promises that it will be easy, or fun, but he does promise to be there with me every step of the way.

me, myself, and I

My mom tells me that as soon as I learned to talk, I never stopped. I would talk to anyone and if no one listened I would talk to myself in the mirror. I soon created an imaginary friend named Sally and I talked to her often. It's funny how as a kid one of the first people I became friends with was myself. I guess then I grew up and learned that their was so many things wrong with myself. And that relationship became a love/hate relationship. I have been thinking the last few days how this happened. I know as a kid I was aware at a young age that being overweight set me apart from other kids and it was a bad thing. So then came the teenage years and I was always at war with myself and my body. I would be mad at myself for not sticking to any diet and I would be mad at my body for not fitting into size 6 jeans. And so it began,I began to not like myself. I think we all have been there, for different reasons of course. For the last 3 years I have had a daily headache and again I have been so mad at my body for turning on me. I also have been mad at myself for not being as strong as I would like. The last few months I have been giving myself a break. I have decided that I was going to stop picking on myself and try to befriend myself again like I did when I was 2. There are a lot of characteristics about myself I actually really like. I think I am funny, like really funny, I make myself laugh often. And I have a crazy weird creative mind that only I know, and I really like it. I also have learned that I am pretty compassionate and that when I tell someone I am going to pray for them, I do. I love those things about myself. I still annoy myelf, I can get moody and absent minded and forget things and it's annoying. So if you weren't you and you were just a random person would you be friends with yourself? I have been asking myself that, and I think it's a really good question. This week the answer is yes.

Ready, set, go

Last week I bought a computer. I have needed one for a while, but my desires to travel left the computer budget very low. But I needed to write and having a computer is the best way for me to do that. I say I needed to write and not wanted to write for a reason. Words were pouring out of me and I started keeping them in my iphone or on a notebook. The problem with the notebook is I go through a lot of notebooks and can never remember where I kept the one with the words that meant something. Hence the computer purchase. I haven't blogged in a while, well a long while. I am still suffering from the daily headaches and am still trying to live a very honest and forthright life in the midst of the pain. The new struggle has been finding the line between being honest and whining. I think I am getting there though. As I live this honest life, I have noticed how much I lack in being honest with myself. It's hard to let yourself know yourself. Sounds funny, but it's true. At least in my case anyway. So here you will find some honest thoughts and perceptions, what God is doing in me and what I am doing about it.

Monday morning Holiness

It's Monday morning and I am listening to a worship album that I love. I dont really feel worshipful, but I a
going to listen to it anyway. I am working and not really paying to much attention to the songs until the singer sings "I want to be Holy" it's Monday morning and I don't want to be Holy. I want to be in bed, I had a really rough night. I want to be well, I want to be right, but I Holy, well that sounds like a lot of work. Colossions 3:12 -13 says Therefore as Gods Chosen people, Holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another... Okay, I told you being Holy on Monday morning is hard. Verse 15 says Let the peace of Jesus rule in your hearts, since you were called to peace. And be thankful. So that's where I'm starting. I'm going to LET the peace of Jesus fall on me and I am going to be thankful that his peace is available to me on
Monday morning! I trust that if I allow the peace of Jesus to dwell in me I will then grow to desire to be Holy. Friends, we have to start somewhere.

Waiting

We spend a lot of time waiting. I don't think most people are good at waiting. We have all had a tantrum while waiting for customer service on the phone, or the few extra minutes in the drive through line. Waiting is hard for us. Waiting for God is not any easier. It never has been. When God used Moses to free the Israelites, we know they we very inpatient
God had provide food, water and protection for the Isrealites. Moses went up to Mt. Sinai to meet with God. The Israelites hated waiting for Moses so they burned all their gold and made a golden calf to worship. Of course we know that a piece of metal can not bring freedom and hope. I think the Israelites knew that too. But the need for NOW trumped salvation. Not much has changed in the human condition. We have replaced God with politics. We expect the government to bring freedom and hope. We have replaced God with money, we expect money to bring freedom and hope. Deep down we know they aren't the answer, but waiting is hard. Waiting sucks! God will give direction. He gives direction.
Philippians 3:15-21
 15 All of us, then, who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. 16 Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
 17 Join together in following my example, brothers and sisters, and just as you have us as a model, keep your eyes on those who live as we do. 18 For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. 19 Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. 20 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.
Paul tells us our citizenship is in heaven, and we await for the Savior from there. It's hard. My favorite part of this writing is in verse 15 where Paul says if you think differently, God will make it clear to you. And he will!

Lent thoughts

I found Jesus through the late singer Keith Green. I was 5 years old when my parents started following Jesus. They were rock and rollers and so at the the time the replacement to rock and roll was Keith Green. We listened to a lot of Keith Green. I have this amazing memory of picking up a teenager boy on our way to church every Sunday morning, he was a rock and roll drummer so I thought he was so cool. We would listen to Keith Green and all loudly sing along. The passion Keith sang with, I remember thinking is the way everyone should feel about Jesus. Keith sang with a sense of urgency and aching, and it resided in me, even as a child.
My dad was working in Lima, Ohio and we had gone there for the summer to be with him. We stayed at Holiday Inn and it had a pool. My brother and I spent most of our days swimming, We were getting ready for bed and my parents and my brother and I were watching the evening news laying in our beds and they announced Keith Green died in a plane crash. I imagined after the way I felt that day was the way the disciples felt when Jesus died. I was only 6, but I remember that day more clear than yesterday.
I found it hard to believe
Someone like you cared for me
You put this love in my heart
I tried but could not refuse
You gave me no time to choose
You put this love in my heart
Not often does someone come around who moves your soul. I was blessed to have this happen at such a young age. For years I sang along with Keith and I would imitate his passion and then one day his passion for Jesus became my passion. Today is the second day of lent, and I was trying to find something inspirational to pray, and my mind went right to Keith. My lent prayer today is to be willing to live life full of conviction and passion for Jesus Christ. You put this love in my heart and I am thankful, I prayer for strength to live it out.

His Grace is...

I went to church this Sunday. I haven't been to church since Halloween. It's really hard for me to get moving in the morning, it's the time when my headaches are the worse. So I haven't been to a church service in months. It's been hard. I miss worshipping with my community. I made myself go this week because it was Royal Oak Vineyard's 10th anniversary and there was going to be testimonies of the impact the community and God has made in people's lives. I am a sucker for testimonies. The church I grew up in had a second service on Sunday evenings and after a time of worship, people would give what we called "Praise Reports". This was my favorite part about church growing up. In Sunday school they would tell amazing stories of miracles and the mighty ways God moved, but I didn't know those people, I knew the people who stood up on Sunday evening who said that they were sick and now healed or that there son came home after being gone for years. I knew those people and I knew God was alive. So I love testimonies, and I wish we stood up and gave them more often. This week hearing how God has worked so amazingly in others lives had impact on me, let me explain.

After the testimonies the worship band sang a song called "Your grace is enough". I couldn't sing along. For months I have felt that his grace isn't enough. I have had a headache everyday for 21 months. Some days the pain is so intense that I can't function, think or keep my eyes open. These days are more than not. I have been desperate, so yes I feel like his grace isn't enough.

Here's the thing, I heard these amazing testimonies and I was filled with joy for these people that I love to hear how God has set them free or is moving in there lives. I was reminded that I serve a God who is alive. I still feel like I need God to intervene in my situation, I still feel like his grace isn't enough in this moment, but here is something I was reminded of, he is faithful and his grace will be enough.

So if God does something small, medium or large in your life, please don't keep it a secret. We need to hear these "Praise Reports"!

Living honestly

I promised God that as I walked on this new challenging journey, I would not frost everything over with "I am
Good". I promised to be honest. That sounds like something I should already be doing, right? I should be saying right, yes I live honestly and openly. But it's not true. When people ask how I am, no matter what, I usually answer "I'm good". Close friends ask and I say, "I'm good". People are comfortable with good, they are not so comfortable with "well I'm in excruciating daily pain, I don't sleep and I'm depressed. But I promised God that I wouldn't hide behind being comfortable and allowing others to be comfortable. And we all know God does not mind that we are not comfortable.
Which reminds me of a church billboard I saw a few weeks ago. It said "This year, try Jesus."
I read that like it was an advertisement in front of Macy's, this year try DNKY jeans.
Jesus isn't something you "try". If he were a pair of Jeans he would be a size too small and you would feel the instant need to go on a diet and purge things you love out of your life, or he would be two sizes too big, and you would instantly see that you are way too small too fill these pants. So after you "try" on Jesus you would then put him back on the rack for the pretty people.
I promised to be honest, I hate it most of the time. Most of the time I would rather just smile and not let you know that I'm a mess. I would rather not watch you try to fix my mess. But I'm wearing the tight jeans and I'm letting all of junk overflow out of them and I am learning to smile and grin as people look at me with that face of " oh poor girl"
And I'm sure Jesus is smiling.

My Friend Jeremiah

I have amazing friends and and an amazing family. Both love me so well. I am truly blessed. I know that each of my friends and my family members would do whatever they could to take away my pain. They feel helpless and it's hard to talk to them because I do not have a lot of hope to offer. I have made a good friend though, who understands what I am going through. He says things and it's like he's talking about my life. The great thing is he is much older than me and has already walked through this. He offers pure wisdom. My good friend happened to be alive in 7BC, but that doesn't change our relationship. Honestly, if it weren't for the prophet Jeremiah, I would be hopeless and beyond sad.
But there is Jeremiah. I wish we could talk, but instead I get to read his writings and read about him. He was born to a priestly family and had a good childhood until the Lord called him to be a prophet. Jeremiah argued that this was a bad idea because he was young and could not speak correctly. The Lord promised to provide the words. Jeremiah was called to warn the people of Israel and Judah to stop worshipping idols and to return to God. God had made a covenant with the people of Israel and Judah and they had broken it. Jeremiah's fun job was to tell them that they would experience the wrath of God. You can imagine that went over well. He was tortured, imprisoned, laughed at, and shamed and yet he held by his truth even as he suffered for the Lord.
The thing that connects Jeremiah and me is there was this time that he didn't hear from God, and he had to continue being harrassed and threatened with his life and God was quiet. Jeremeiah was desperate. He let his feelings known.
Lamentations 3

1 [a]I am the man who has seen affliction
by the rod of the LORD’s wrath.
2 He has driven me away and made me walk
in darkness rather than light;
3 indeed, he has turned his hand against me
again and again, all day long.

4 He has made my skin and my flesh grow old
and has broken my bones.
5 He has besieged me and surrounded me
with bitterness and hardship.
6 He has made me dwell in darkness
like those long dead.

7 He has walled me in so I cannot escape;
he has weighed me down with chains.
8 Even when I call out or cry for help,
he shuts out my prayer.
9 He has barred my way with blocks of stone;
he has made my paths crooked.

10 Like a bear lying in wait,
like a lion in hiding,
11 he dragged me from the path and mangled me
and left me without help.
12 He drew his bow
and made me the target for his arrows.

13 He pierced my heart
with arrows from his quiver.
14 I became the laughingstock of all my people;
they mock me in song all day long.
15 He has filled me with bitter herbs
and given me gall to drink.

16 He has broken my teeth with gravel;
he has trampled me in the dust.
17 I have been deprived of peace;
I have forgotten what prosperity is.
18 So I say, “My splendor is gone
and all that I had hoped from the LORD.”



My heart aches after every single word. I am living this in every modern way possible. Where I want to end my cry to the Lord here, Jeremiah, somehow sees hope.



19 I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.
20 I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.
21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.”

25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

He is new every morning, and I am holding on to that so tightly.

Oh Jeremiah, you are one of my closest friends and you don't even know me, but you do know me and that is why I am so drawn to you.
Jeremiah chose to follow God when he could not see or hear or even know God was listening to him. He chose to be faithful when God was choosing not to save him from his darkness. God has chosen not to save me from my darkness, and yet I know he is faithful and there is more to this story.
Jeremiah, I thank you for be obedient, grumpy at times, angry and bitter at times, but most important obedient. You are relatable and you are my saving grace.

Pain continued

My pain has been bad this last week. I haven't been able to work, and have visited my doctor twice and the ER once. I still have an impossible headache. It's hard to know what to think when no one can help you. I know that feeling helpless is a horrible feeling, and that is how my parents, friends, and doctors feel right now. Everyone wants there to be a way out, including myself. After 19 months of searching for a way out, I have started to think about what life means if there is no way out. If this headache and all that it does to me is part of my life. I can't wrap my head around it. I can't possibly understand what that look likes. It feels hard enough to get through the day when my head is throbbing and my eyes are blurry and all I can think of is pain.
I want to look to Jesus in those moments, I really do, but to be honest I can't look anywhere. I can close my eyes and wait it out. I can't think about healing power, or amazing grace, or how he saves the wretch like me. I can't think. That is my pain. And in the moments when I can think, I get angry that I am in the middle of this, that this is my life. I know some people have it worse than me, and they are probably angry too. I'm angry and in pain.
I know some people have a hard time with me having these feelings. It makes them uncomfortable, they want me to be okay with this, they want me to have hope. I know it's uncomfortable to watch someone in pain, and not feel like you can do anything for them, and then to see them angry, it makes it so real. I've been there, the person watching, the person feeling helpless. I've started admitting to my anger, with God and the people around me. It's hard. One thing I do know is my pain and anger is not too much for God, he can handle it and that makes me feel safe.

A Conversation on pain and depression

I've had a headache everyday for the last 18 months. The level of headache varies, but it's always there. I have tried everything that I know how to do to stop the pain, or at least control it. No luck. It's been a hard journey and I am still on it. I am feeling emotions that I have never felt, at least not to this extent. I have never been this angry. It's weird but growing up I don't really remember ever really being angry. I must of been really good at repressing it, or maybe I just never got angry. But now, I am ticked off. I am also depressed: which is feeling really sad, alone and distant from everything and everyone. It's so weird that when you're depressed, you feel alone, but you also isolate yourself from others. For me, I feel like what I am going through is a downer and no one wants to hear about my daily headache, severe arthritis, loss of vision, and depression. People want to hear about happy things, like marriages, and expectant parents, and funny things toddlers do, and cute puppy stories. Right? I also feel that no one understands. Man do I sound like a teenager, but seriously, how many people have daily pain in their brain, literally? It changes how you think, react, act, well it changes a lot of things.

I do think there are a lot of people if pain, a lot of people who feel depressed. They feel alone, sad and angry. But I know that not too many of them are talking about it. We live in a culture where if you are in pain, you do everything in your power not to feel it. Good things and bad. I know, I've been there, am there. I mean I've given up grains, sugar and dairy. hoping to feel better. I have let people put needles in me, lots of needles in me. I give myself shots for pain. I watch a lot of DVD's of Felicity. All of this to escape myself. What a horrible feeling, to try to escape yourself. Who would be proud of that?

So people don't talk about it. And when you do talk about it you make people feel uncomfortable. They don't have any clue what to say, or how to help, so they feel helpless and uncomfortable. Here is the honest truth from someone walking through it. We isolate ourselves because we feel guilty that we make others feel uncomfortable and helpless. We do not want our pain to be your pain, If you are a follower of Christ then you are right now thinking that when you are week, we are here to lift you up. We want to come around you and support you in this. And you do want to do that, but truthfully you don't know how. You can't know how because we aren't talking about. I don't even go to church anymore. I haven't gone in months. I have many reasons, but being depressed is like having leprosy. It can be shameful, that;s why people don't have blogs about being in the dumps, you know like this one.

I believe that if we all started getting honest with one another and allowing that honesty to be what it is and not to judge, but just to let it be, then maybe we can start having meaningful conversations. Honestly I don't want to hear about your fantasy football team, or your coolest app, I want to know what you are feeling and how, honestly how we can help one another. And I want the supportive people to be honest and say how and how they can not support us people in pain. There does not need to be shame, just love and acceptance for one another in the places they are at;

I will start, I kind of already have. This post may have some spelling errors and weird sentences because I am on a medication to relax me. I am in pain, lots of it and feel abandoned by God. I feel angry that I have not been healed and that the Lord has not given me any direction in what this walk is all about. I get angry when people complain about their jobs, when they have really good jobs except they have to drive 30 minutes to get there. That makes me angry and then I feel guilty about being angry. Im depressed and I see a counselor, someone to help me walk through it. I will not allow my depression or my pain to ruin my life. I hope I wont let it ruin my life. So there it is people. Let's start talking about this.

Speckled Space

Eyes o p e n

speckled space

eyes closed

speckled space


It begins to shape you
It turns and spins your core
Captured in anatomy’s hate
Soaked with the fear of knowledge
Shadows of hope

floating hallow

Knowing that this may be a part of you and become you and live in you and
LeaveNOspace

A poem

April is poetry month. So I will share a poem.

A Good Word

Dreaming of long strolls
park benches
sounds that bring about emotion
any emotion
even if I can't romanticize anymore
I can feel
sorrow
friends who leave
loves who can't be loved
hope
tomorrow must come
maybes sometimes become yes
a good word
yes

Blueberry granola

I made this granola last week and it was delicious! I doubled the recipe. I took this recipe from Everyday food and added the walnuts and cinnamon. Give it a try and tell me what you think.
Ingredients

Makes 4 cups
2 cups old-fashioned rolled oats
1/2 cup sweetened shredded coconut
1/2 cup sliced almonds
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
1 teaspoon cinnamon
2 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 tablespoons honey
1 cup dried blueberries
Directions

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. On a large rimmed baking sheet, toss oats, coconut, and almonds. In a small bowl, stir together oil and honey. Pour over oat mixture and toss. Bake, tossing occasionally, until lightly toasted, 16 to 20 minutes.
Place mixture in a large bowl and stir in blueberries. (To store, keep in an airtight container, up to 1 month.)

Name it...

2 weeks ago I went to this headache institute in Ann Arbor and after a year of seeing all kinds of doctors in the Detroit area, they were able to diagnose my headaches. To finally have a name for what's wrong with me has been so comforting. I know it may sound silly, but not knowing what is wrong, just knowing something is terrible not right is a horrible feeling. Once you name something you can than search for the cure, the answer to the problem. I am naming things, good and bad in my life right now - loved, loving, caring, inpatient, honest, emotional, afraid, peaceful. Those are just a some of the names of characteristics living in me. An I feel comforted in knowing that all the things that aren't right have cures. Naming it, it's the first step in healing.

Happy kids

Happy kids, originally uploaded by jimrenaud.

They don't come cuter than this!

Reveal

Well I haven't blogged for sometime, and honestly I thought I was done blogging, but I keep having dreams of myself blogging and they are good dreams, so here I am blogging.
The last year has been a hard one. I've had a migraine level headache everyday since mid April 2009. The good news is I have found help and I am beginning to feel better.
I have learned a lot this year. First of all I am not as strong as I would hope, but stronger than I would have guessed. My attitude has changed towards God. I thought I was much further on trusting God than I really am. Oh and as you can see I don't mind being completely honest. I have learned that is the only way to get anywhere positive.
I also know that I can't change my own heart, so instead of working on something I can't fix I pray everyday that God will change my heart, and he is.
I have also moved out of my parent's house and am now living with two amazing women of God who are teaching me everyday what obedience and trust in God looks like. I can't say that I don't miss living with my parents, I did get used to be spoiled, and it is a nice thing. Parents don't ever worry about spoiling your kids with love too much!
So I think I have some good things to say and here is where you will find them.