Another Conundrum (my word of the month)

Why is it that no decision can be easy for me. I have been working at my current place of buisness for almost 2 years, and since I have been back in Michigan for almost a year I have been wanting to get out of the store I am in. I don't love working there, I don't like working there, I think I hate working there most days. My boss is very hard to work for. There are too many reasons to even explain.
I have been wanting to move up in the company and a few weeks ago an opportunity came up in another store. One that I know I would like working in. I applied and had my interview yesterday. Last week one of my managers, my favorite manager quit. It totally sucks, I feel like the rug has been pulled from under me. So now there is one open manager position. I am the "favorite" for this position, my manager keeps bugging me atleast 3 times a day to apply.
So here comes the challenging decision. Do I apply for this position also? I really want to get out of my store, but I have no idea if I will get hired at the other store. I don't know how many people he is interviewing and who my competition is. I know a little but not enough to feel confident that it is in the bag. Then if I interview at my store, I have to be interviewed by the district manager for both jobs if the general manager likes me for the position. Both stores are in the same district, meaning the same district manager will interview me for both positions, and this is the scary part. What if he picks where I go?
Then if I don't apply at the store I am at now I might be stuck in the position I am in now. And I know I will have to do more work, because no one else in the store knows how to do what I do and what the manager who is leaving does now.
Try figuring this one out, ahhh! Well I have been praying my little head off. I am not sure what I will do. I have to come up with something to say to my boss on Tuesday when he asks me for the 900 th time where my resume is and how he would like to set up an interview.
Me and my conundrums, why can't they ever be like, which color Porche should I get, midnight blue or candy apple red, oh the choices! I could handle that, well maybe but then I would have to decide which friend could drive with me and that would be hard, cause I love you all!

Great Expectations

Do you ever expect too much out of something, and then later realize it was wonderful. Why is it in the moment we can think that this relationship, job, or whatever the experience may be needs this or that. We think it isn't near perfect and can and sometimes must get better. Time passes and that relationship, job, or whatever the experience is over and we miss it so much and all we can think of is how great it was.
This has happened to me more than once, I must admit. The most recent experience has made me wonder why I feel this way. The questions that I have been asking myself are 1. Do I miss this, okay in this incident it's a relationship, do I miss this relationship because I don't have a relationship similar to it now? Which is a very valid question. I don't have a relationship like it, not even close. But when I start thinking of what this relationship had compared to others, I only think of the good, fun stuff.
2. Was this relationship great, and I took advantage of it? I know that some of this is true. But why is it when I am with this person I love what we have but am fine with the minimal friendship and am never really sure that it needs to be more. Then when I am away from this person, I think "stupid you, look what you are missing?"
So as you can see I have a little conundrum here. Sometimes I think I just miss this amazing friendship with this person, and it was never meant to be anything more, but since I am not dating anyone I wonder if I am missing something. And then maybe I have expectations of what should be and those are just unrealistic.
I am not sure and really only time will tell. I do miss this person and although we are still great friends, I miss him being near. And who knows he may be a lifetime great friend at the least and some people never get that, so I am super lucky, and maybe he is more. But I do know I will be more greatful for the great friend he is now.

45th parallel

This weekend I drove up to beautiful scenic Michigan, and on the way I noticed that I was in the middle of the earth, literally. That was so odd. I passed one of the many markers in Michigan letting me know that I was at the 45th parallel, meaning I was half way between the equator and north pole. Over the weekend I saw so many beautiful sights, Lake Michigan, beautiful Harbor Springs, great friends, fireworks, and yet for some reason a sign telling me that I was in the middle of the earth was one of the wow moments for me.
As I begin to wonder why it so spectacular to me, I start to think that being in the middle of something just feels special. When you are in the middle that means you are committed, involved, their is no easy way out. When you are in the middle of something, you most likely are on a journey from one side to the other. When you are in the middle of something, there is a feeling of accomplishment, but you still have goals to go further. I believe this is where I am in my life, right in the middle. At the point I drove pass the sign telling me I was in the middle of the earth, I remember saying out loud to myself "Now ain't that the truth" but I was thinking about my life.
For a while being in the middle has been uncomfortable, sometimes I feel stuck "right in the middle." But as I saw that sign and thought about where I am in life I realized that I am in the center of life. Sometimes it is challenging, but there are so many rewards like a beautiful view over Lake Michigan. The center is never easy to get to, and it isn't always easy to get pass, but I am finally glad to be there.
As I drove by the sign, I wanted to slow down, I wanted to look around and take it all in. The state of Michigan considers the 135 miles of the Michigan Polar-Equator Trail as a significant tourist attraction in Michigan. I also am beginning to slow down and enjoy all of the scenic routes along life and enjoy being in the center.

Kris and Cori

Kris and Cori
Originally uploaded by JessicaRenaud.

I just celebrated my birthday with great friends in Nashville, TN. Here are two of the prettiest girls in town! And they happen to be two of my closest friends, but of course. Pretty people attract each other.

Truth

I want to write an update, because I promised I would often and I haven't done a great job. Sorry. Life has been busy. Not like an excuse for not doing stuff busy, but really busy. I work and then work some more. I take care of Alec 3 nights a week. He is my 93 year old Scottish friend who is blind. Today he told me how he once wrote a novel about spies in Scotland during World War 1 and how it was based on his life. Pretty amazing, and then he asked me to keep writing. I had forgotten that he had ever read any of my writings, but he had remembered them well and was hoping for more. So here I am writing. It's funny how a simple compliment of something you may feel unsure about can change your mind. I think if I were to be complimented more on how I cook or how I write, or how I work or I how I love, I would do all those things with more zeal and passion. After thinking that, I realize I need to let others know how much all there work, and talents and love and character is greatly appreciated. I am starting to make this sound kind of cheesy and I apoligize, but it's one of those revelations of truth in my life. And hey if we can't share those why even share?

Back in the saddle again

The last month has been truly interesting. Good, hard, crazy, fun, sad all in one month. Let's start with good. Good to see all of my family this month. Very good!!! Good to see almost of all of my friends here. Good to be back at my old job. Now hard, hard to be back at my old job, I love being there but my new position is really hard. Some of my friendships sometimes feel a little harder than hoped for. Crazy, well mostly learning to be an inventory with little training suring the holiday season. Fun, Halloween was a lot of fun, I went trick or treating with my best friend's two little girls. (and my best friend and her husband and cousin and aunt) the babies had groupies. Sad, Sad that W won and Kerry lost. I was really hoping that America would get it, but I was wrong. Sad about being apart from my great friends in Nashville. So that is a lot of feelings for one month. But mostly I am happy to be back.

sky built dream

Looking at what might be you
or maybe the image in my head
something different than reality
my reality
my dream my creation
but there you are standing in front of me
and I can't move closer to you
and you won't move closer to me
and so we just stand
pretending

pretending that you are the sun
I have found new life
joining your life
becoming your angel
being the one to save
abiding in the sky

awaken to the sound of my heart beating
my soul crying out
leaving my sky built dream
of what never was
what never will be

thankful for hope following me
sent down from the sky
holding me tight
looking to a new strength
a new dream
that moves
forward