searching

Do you ever have those days where you're not sure how you became who you are now? You look back at a few year past and think "in this same circumstance I would of totally done things differently." Well tonight I had one of those moments. I guess these moments happen often lately. I am not sure how I became this person I am. I don't know if it's good or bad, but sometimes it just feels weird. I feel at times as if I am in another body. The scary part is I am becoming more comfotable every day with this new self. I am trying to figure out why I have changed. That is the hard part. I can see what has changed such as I would rather stay home most nights than do something with people. It feels so much easier. I never have been like that, ever. I also feel like I don't really have anything to say. I can be with a group and listen and sometimes I really don't want to respond, or just don't know what to say. Huh? This is weird for me. I feel shy. Anyone reading this that has known me for any amount of time would not describe me as shy. But now it feels like more work to be the extrovert fun me. But I try, and at momemts when I am really comfortable it comes out by itself and that is nice. This new me has it's advantages, like I am trying new things I never had time for before like knitting. I also read a lot more and am starting to write again. But I must admit I miss the wild child and I wish I knew how to untame her, even if just a little bit.

missing picture

crazy where my eyes may lead
home where my heart beats
hungry for something to view
new
reliving scenes past due
forgetting where now is located
at least trying
letting the emotions pass, never too close
but always haunting
always hanging
on
just like the picture of you in my heart