me, myself, and I

My mom tells me that as soon as I learned to talk, I never stopped. I would talk to anyone and if no one listened I would talk to myself in the mirror. I soon created an imaginary friend named Sally and I talked to her often. It's funny how as a kid one of the first people I became friends with was myself. I guess then I grew up and learned that their was so many things wrong with myself. And that relationship became a love/hate relationship. I have been thinking the last few days how this happened. I know as a kid I was aware at a young age that being overweight set me apart from other kids and it was a bad thing. So then came the teenage years and I was always at war with myself and my body. I would be mad at myself for not sticking to any diet and I would be mad at my body for not fitting into size 6 jeans. And so it began,I began to not like myself. I think we all have been there, for different reasons of course. For the last 3 years I have had a daily headache and again I have been so mad at my body for turning on me. I also have been mad at myself for not being as strong as I would like. The last few months I have been giving myself a break. I have decided that I was going to stop picking on myself and try to befriend myself again like I did when I was 2. There are a lot of characteristics about myself I actually really like. I think I am funny, like really funny, I make myself laugh often. And I have a crazy weird creative mind that only I know, and I really like it. I also have learned that I am pretty compassionate and that when I tell someone I am going to pray for them, I do. I love those things about myself. I still annoy myelf, I can get moody and absent minded and forget things and it's annoying. So if you weren't you and you were just a random person would you be friends with yourself? I have been asking myself that, and I think it's a really good question. This week the answer is yes.

Ready, set, go

Last week I bought a computer. I have needed one for a while, but my desires to travel left the computer budget very low. But I needed to write and having a computer is the best way for me to do that. I say I needed to write and not wanted to write for a reason. Words were pouring out of me and I started keeping them in my iphone or on a notebook. The problem with the notebook is I go through a lot of notebooks and can never remember where I kept the one with the words that meant something. Hence the computer purchase. I haven't blogged in a while, well a long while. I am still suffering from the daily headaches and am still trying to live a very honest and forthright life in the midst of the pain. The new struggle has been finding the line between being honest and whining. I think I am getting there though. As I live this honest life, I have noticed how much I lack in being honest with myself. It's hard to let yourself know yourself. Sounds funny, but it's true. At least in my case anyway. So here you will find some honest thoughts and perceptions, what God is doing in me and what I am doing about it.