Find Your Kindness

There is this song by this really great worship band from Ireland called The Rend Collective Experiment called Find Your Kindness. I was listening to it about a month ago and it really hit me.

When did democracy
Become a paper chasing bureaucracy
All of our hands got tied and we don't know how to be kind
Put a face to a name a real person to the numbers game
I don't wanna hesitate anymore


I understand how we can all get really passionate about this coming election. We all have opinions on how and what ways are the best ways of doing things. I know I certainlly feel strongly about my beliefs. But the thing I have been noticing is we have allowed those beliefs to trump kindness towards one another. I wonder what things would look like if we spent as much energy on being kind towards one another as we do trying to pursuade one another that we are right.
There is this scripture that I have been saying over and over during this election season to myself.
Philipians 3:20-21
But there’s far more to life for us. We’re citizens of high heaven! We’re waiting the arrival of the Savior, the Master, Jesus Christ, who will transform our earthy bodies into glorious bodies like his own. He’ll make us beautiful and whole with the same powerful skill by which he is putting everything as it should be, under and around him.


We may have many rulers on this earth, some we like, some we don't but if you call yourself a follower a Christ, our citizenship is in heaven first, and we all follow the same king.


So tomorrow and the next day and the day after that let us be reminded that we are to be light in the darkness, and lets spread some kindness to one another.

Engaging Love

I had this idea all day for a blog post and well it's going to have to wait for another day because the Lord had another idea for me to write about and I am choosing to be obiedient. A few weeks ago the Lord brought to mind Romans 8 and I printed it and have had it on my desk at work since. Every few days I read it and it has been good. Today I was reminded of one my favorite scriptures. Romans 8:38 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Today what stuck out to me was the "neither the present nor the future..will be able to seperate us from the love of the Lord." I think we (this includes myself) can get caught up in past mistakes, or the choices we will make in the future of our lives. So many what if's keep us from fully expeirencing God's love. What if we laid those past mistakes and future decisions down and came to God saying "Lord this is who I am now, mistakes and flaws and all and I want to know you and experience your love now." I think at the moment we open a door that is ourselves and all allow the spirit of the Lord to enter. The last few days the Lord has been speaking to me and telling me that my fears and insecurities can not keep me from his love. And so often pain has seemed to keep me from engaging in his love. But I am not allowing that to block the joy he brings to me today. I hope this speaks to you and that you can lay down whatever it is that is standing in the way of you fully engaging and experiencing God's GREAT love for you!

The Mute Prayer

The last few weeks I have spiritually and emoitonally been in an odd place. I feel like something is as the cusp of happening. That can be good and bad. I mean I have no idea what is on the horizon. And I have learned to not set too high of expecations one way or the other. I am not saying that's a good thing, having no or very low expectations, but it happens. I think after a while of waiting or thinking the next thing is the answer and it's not, we limit our expectations as not to be too let down. So being in this state of mind, I have had no idea what to pray for, or about. But that's okay. I like the scripture Romans 8:26-27 26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. It's so refreshing to know that we don't have to always know what to say or what to ask for. It's also nice to know that my low expectations do not limit God. So I have been just asking the Spirit of the Lord to move in me and to make me ready. And then I wait and listen.

This Journey

Do you ever have days where the kind words of others just make things worse? For instance I keep hearing "It's not about the destination, but about the journey" and I get that we can get caught up on the future and miss the present, but we can also get so tied down in the present that we forget that this moment isn't forever and there is a destination ahead. Life can get really hard sometimes, and this "journey" we are on can feel really long, and never ending, but their is a destination. It helps if you know the destination, it gives you something to look forward too, something to strive after. But the truth is we don't always get to know the destination. It's like walking in the pitch black darkness with no flashlight. This weekend I was having a really bad headache and was getting really angry with my body and myself and just my circumstance. Today I was reminded of God leading the Israelites out of Egypt. The Israelites weren't really sure of the destination either, and the journey was getting very long, 40 years! Yikes! And so they began to get angry at God, and began to lose trust in him. I totally get the Isrealites. 40 years is a long time to be hanging out in the desert folks! I can't imagine having this headache for 40 years. But God was there and he went before them everyday seeking the next place to lay their heads at night and rest. Deuteronomy1:32 In spite of this, you did not trust in the Lord your God, 33 who went ahead of you on your journey, in fire by night and in a cloud by day, to search out places for you to camp and to show you the way you should go. So I am reminded that I am not in this alone, and neither are you. And that I am not searching in the dark. God is constantly ahead of me preparing the way, and that if I trust in him he will show me the way I should go. It's then up to me, to actually obey or not to obey. He never promises that it will be easy, or fun, but he does promise to be there with me every step of the way.

me, myself, and I

My mom tells me that as soon as I learned to talk, I never stopped. I would talk to anyone and if no one listened I would talk to myself in the mirror. I soon created an imaginary friend named Sally and I talked to her often. It's funny how as a kid one of the first people I became friends with was myself. I guess then I grew up and learned that their was so many things wrong with myself. And that relationship became a love/hate relationship. I have been thinking the last few days how this happened. I know as a kid I was aware at a young age that being overweight set me apart from other kids and it was a bad thing. So then came the teenage years and I was always at war with myself and my body. I would be mad at myself for not sticking to any diet and I would be mad at my body for not fitting into size 6 jeans. And so it began,I began to not like myself. I think we all have been there, for different reasons of course. For the last 3 years I have had a daily headache and again I have been so mad at my body for turning on me. I also have been mad at myself for not being as strong as I would like. The last few months I have been giving myself a break. I have decided that I was going to stop picking on myself and try to befriend myself again like I did when I was 2. There are a lot of characteristics about myself I actually really like. I think I am funny, like really funny, I make myself laugh often. And I have a crazy weird creative mind that only I know, and I really like it. I also have learned that I am pretty compassionate and that when I tell someone I am going to pray for them, I do. I love those things about myself. I still annoy myelf, I can get moody and absent minded and forget things and it's annoying. So if you weren't you and you were just a random person would you be friends with yourself? I have been asking myself that, and I think it's a really good question. This week the answer is yes.

Ready, set, go

Last week I bought a computer. I have needed one for a while, but my desires to travel left the computer budget very low. But I needed to write and having a computer is the best way for me to do that. I say I needed to write and not wanted to write for a reason. Words were pouring out of me and I started keeping them in my iphone or on a notebook. The problem with the notebook is I go through a lot of notebooks and can never remember where I kept the one with the words that meant something. Hence the computer purchase. I haven't blogged in a while, well a long while. I am still suffering from the daily headaches and am still trying to live a very honest and forthright life in the midst of the pain. The new struggle has been finding the line between being honest and whining. I think I am getting there though. As I live this honest life, I have noticed how much I lack in being honest with myself. It's hard to let yourself know yourself. Sounds funny, but it's true. At least in my case anyway. So here you will find some honest thoughts and perceptions, what God is doing in me and what I am doing about it.